Breaking the Cycle of Judgment
Authored by Rebecca Twitchell
Ever felt like you’re quick to judge someone? Form a fast opinion? Assume something?
Well, in many ways, we can blame science for this one! Did you know that a series of experiments conducted by Princeton psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov found that it takes all of a tenth of a second — yes you read that right! — to form an impression of a stranger? Within milliseconds, research has shown that we make judgements and assumptions about one’s attractiveness, likeability, competence, trustworthiness, and aggressiveness, among other factors.
Let’s put this into context, exploring first how snap judgements can lead to massive loss of opportunity if we’re not careful …
Picture walking into a room at a networking event. The room is full of strangers you haven’t yet met. This is an important event to you! You’re there to find your next great client, stumble upon an amazing human to hire, run into a stranger who will become your next great career mentor, [insert anything else that could be a goal of yours]. But, you’re accompanied by a Judgement Filter (one you didn’t invite!) that can talk you out of even uttering the word “hello” to someone who is potentially amazing. Think of the life-changing conversations and relationships you can possibly miss out on if you don’t pause and overcome the cycle of judgement that has all too often become deeply embedded in our DNA.
When half full, llc, was founded 20 years ago, we created our company around a set of core values that not only defined who we are and the ideologies that matter to us, but also the values we believe are far too often missing in the workplace. Among those values?
We do not judge or assume
Rather, we believe everyone is unique, and we respect that everyone has their own opinion, their own way of doing things and their own way of being.
Science may tell us that we are preconditioned to judge. But what I’ve found through over two decades of working with individuals and companies on helping them overcome obstacles that prevent them from moving forward is that we can change our behavior by changing our mindset. So how can we shake off judgement? Let’s dive in…
A Practice to Break the Cycle
Growing up the way I did with symbrachydactyly syndrome — only two fingers on my left hand — I was used to being judged instantly for how I looked. So I became really good at hiding my hand, wearing long sleeves, and keeping this secret from others. But in experiencing such judgement from others, I also found within myself a grounding and commitment to break my own cycle of judgement. To work on my own insecurities, beliefs, patterns, and behaviors to ensure that I don’t fuel the very cycle that was hurting me.
Related Reading: Rebecca's Path to Authenticity
One of the first things I did to break my own cycle of judgement was to make it a practice. Something I committed to, held myself accountable for, and consciously chose to model to others any chance I can.
In the workplace, breaking the cycle of judgement is incredibly important. Just consider how judgment of others (your teammates, colleagues, supervisors, etc.) can impact team trust, productivity, psychological safety, conflict resolution… the list goes on. To get started, here are a few tips and tricks to help:
Search for Context: Often we jump to judgement (they’re unprofessional, they’re sending a work email at 10pm to “kiss up to the boss,” they got the job because of nepotism) because we don’t have enough context on the situation we’re judging. In these moments, invite yourself to pause and consider, “What don’t I know about this situation?” Don’t fill in the blanks — that can perpetuate judgment and assumptions! Instead see if you can gain more information about the situation. For example, asking your supervisor what skill sets, milestones, and achievements are essential to be considered for a promotion.
Assume Positive Intent: Also known as giving someone the benefit of the doubt, assuming positive intent has long been regarded as a solid strategy in the workplace for improving relationships, strengthening trust, fostering collaboration, and reducing conflict. To shift your mindset to assume positive intent, reflect on your own biases (and how those alter your perception), ask clarifying questions, pay attention to someone’s actions and words to get the full picture, and lead with your own authenticity to create space for others to do the same with you.
The Sum of 5: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” is a well-known quote from Jim Rohn, a famous motivational author and speaker. So, think about that for a moment. Do the five people you spend the most time with default to judgement? Or do they consciously practice acceptance and understanding? While this tip can be incredibly hard to enact (especially if it means revisiting the health/impact of relationships you’ve long had), when you can find your people, it is game changing. And suddenly breaking the cycle of judgement is far easier when you’re surrounded by others who are already on that journey.
Inner Dialogue: Pay attention to the things you are thinking and instead of saying them out loud, practice having an inner dialogue with yourself. This pause and introspection can be really effective at interrupting the judgement cycle once it begins. For me, I like to ask myself a series of questions like, “Am I making an assumption,” “Do I have enough information,” “Is what I’m feeling actually about me and not about them?,” and “What can I learn from this moment?” Whether you want to answer your questions in your mind or take the time to journal, this quick pause can help you reframe your perspective on someone.
One Person at a Time: Changing a culture to be less judgmental is no small feat! But your actions and behaviors can spark a ripple effect of change. A 2019 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science shows that individuals spend approximately 52 minutes per day gossiping at work. If we are to assume that a few of those minutes are rooted in judgement, then even reducing gossip by 5 minutes can have a profound impact on our workplace environment! You can’t change everybody but if you model the things we’ve discussed above, you might be able to inspire just one person who inspires the next (and so on) and suddenly workplace culture starts to shift in a more positive direction.
Breaking the cycle of judgement can be challenging — forcing us to tackle natural subconscious tendencies more assertively. But it’s also a choice we can make to shift our mindset. To listen to understand, to think about the we (not just me), and to show up with intent.
At half full, llc, we help companies through not-your-average facilitated team building experiences to combat workplace culture killers (judgement, assumption, conflict) that prevent teams from reaching breakthrough moments. Ready to spark meaningful change in your org? Drop us a note; we’d love to connect!